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Star Trek: The Most Important Voyage
INT. KAHN'S MACHINE ROOM - DAY
Kirk and Spock are witnessing the DESTRUCTION of the plasma field. The Horta is still within the field, and the PRESSURE beneath the creature is building.
Pressure is getting too great, Captain. Detonation should be... It should be momentarily, sir.
How soon, Spock?
Momentarily. Any minute -- uh, second -- uh, minute. Momentarily.
Can you be a bit more precise?
I suggest we hide, sir.
Okay, Spock, if you say --
Suddenly the plasma field DETONATES, and the poor little Horta, GLOWING and SMOKING, is HURLED UPWARD into the stratosphere. As the SMOKE clears, Kirk and Spock emerge from the wreckage, dirty and tattered, but not injured.
(continuing)
Congratulations, Mr. Spock. I'd venture we were successful. Will the interface shut down immediately?
Time lag should be about 1.56 minutes, Captain.
That's the old Spock. Let's figure a way to get back to the Enterprise.
Spock is fiddling with his tricorder.
(continuing)
What is it, Spock?
Disturbing. This was a miscalculation on my part, Captain.
Undoubtedly forgivable, I'm sure. What was it?
Our recent activities have so disrupted this planet's magnetic field that its destruction is imminent.
What are you saying, Spock?
In 3.474 minutes, this planet will begin to disintegrate.
Disintegrate. Just like that? Fall apart?
Affirmative.
No possibility of a miscalculation?
None, sir.
Right.
(into communicator)
Kirk to Enterprise. Kirk to Enterprise.
Enterprise. Scott here, sar.
Good, Scotty - you're back in control. Beam us up, then take the ship out of orbit. This planet's going to... Disintegrate. Kirk out.
(to Spock)
No error, Spock?
Spock shakes his head.
INT. BRIDGE - DAY
Scott is in the Command Chair. He has just finished speaking into the communication device. Two weapons are levelled at his head by Romulans on either side of him, with Teel looking on. Kahn is also menacing him.
Other Romulans continue to man the various stations around the Bridge. Two Romulans guard Scott, Chekov, Uhura, Jackson, the Pretty Yeoman and McCoy.
Excellent, Mr. Scott. You have earned for yourself an additional fifteen minutes of life.
Centurion detachment ready to beam over as soon as passage through interface is complete, my lord.
Commence transportation of Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock aboard the ship, and bring them to me immediately. Are life support systems shut down?
Completely, sir.
All decks clear?
Completely empty, sir... but sir, I'm having difficulty receiving a signal from Sickbay --
Very well. Two of you men to the transporter.
Completely empty...
Yes, my lord.
Romulan 4 and Romulan 5 walk out and into the elevator. As the elevator doors close:
Bodies... Bodies! There should be bodies!
But it's too late to warn them.
INT. CORRIDOR - DAY (IT'S ALWAYS DAY)
Geologist Jackson and her men are hidden in corners and crouched behind walls, waiting to ambush whoever gets off the elevator.
Ready, men?
Ready, Ma'am.
The elevator doors OPEN and out step Romulan 4 and Romulan 5.
Let's go!
The ambush begins! With little trouble, the Romulans are jumped and disarmed.
(continuing)
So... Thought you'd cut off our life support systems, eh? How's about I cut off yours, Pee Wee?
Ma'am, we'd better get them out of here.
Where were you headed, Rabbit Ears?
I cannot say.
Out with it or it's your ass, Satellite Dish Head.
We were heading to the transporter device to beam up James Kirk and Mr. Spock.
Now you're flapping your lips, Radar Scope.
(to Security Guards)
Get 'em out of here, boys! You, Winsome, come with me.
Me, Ma'am?
No, your poor long lost aunt. To the transporter! Let's move!
They all head out.
INT. KAHN'S MACHINE ROOM - DAY
Spock and Kirk survey the wreckage. The plasma field is a BRIGHT, ominous PULSATING mass in the corner of the room. The planet is ROCKED periodically by EXPLOSIONS at varying distances.
1.196 minutes to detonation, Captain.
You're sure.
Yes sir. Unless...
Spock pulls out a pencil and a note pad and does some quick calculations.
INT. BRIDGE - DAY
Kahn is in the Command Chair, Teel is at his side. Except for the departure of the two Romulan centurions, all is as before.
Well, my friends, let us prepare for battle. Program this ship's computers to self-destruct.
My lord?
Are you insane?
And contact our friends on the comrade ships to transport us aboard well before detonation. We will give Captain Kirk back his space ship, such as it is.
Yes my lord.
INT. KAHN'S POWER CORE ROOM - DAY
Spock makes calculations with his pad and pencil. Kirk paces the floor.
Captain, I have made an error in my earlier calculations, which I have corrected. This means, however, that we have less time until the detonation of Degova than we believed previously.
How much less?
Seven seconds, Captain.
Seven seconds! Spock, are you serious?
Six seconds. Five. Four...
Spock and Kirk DEMATERIALIZE.
INT. TRANSPORTER ROOM - DAY
Geologist Jackson, Crewman 1 and several others stand waiting. Kirk and Spock MATERIALIZE.
Good work, Jackson. Let's get this ship out of here.
All exit on the double.
INT. BRIDGE - DAY
Weapons are still trained on the Enterprise crewmen.
Matter-anti-matter shielding breakdown commencing my lord. Detonation in twenty seconds.
Kahn, you maniac, you'll never get away with it. The Enterprise will stop you once and for all.
Our ship is about to beam us over, my lord.
Doctor... please. Do not fight your fate. Gentlemen, let us prepare to depart.
Matter-anti-matter shielding breakdown commencing. Detonation in twenty seconds. Nineteen...
Kahn and the Romulans DEMATERIALIZE just as Kirk, Spock and the others burst into the Bridge. The Computer continues to COUNT DOWN until interrupted.
Scotty, that planet's about to blow. Get us out now!
Aye, Captain.
Space interface breakdown complete, Captain. One of the Romulan ships is through; the second did not make it.
On the View Screen, one complete Romulan ship is visible after coming through the space interface. The second ship is visible inside the interface, and when the interface itself FADES, the ship inside it DISINTEGRATES into a CLOUD of electronic particles that FADE from sight quickly. The ships are (were) made of Lincoln Logs.
Warp speed, Captain.
Planet Degova detonation: now!
Nothing happens.
Eleven... Ten...
Try again, Spock. Someone turn off that destruct sequence!
Yes, Captain.
Are we far enough away from the explosion?
Coming into safe range now, Captain. The Romulan ship is in pursuit.
Will they make it out as well?
Affirmative.
The Romulans are firing on us, sir.
Shields, Sulu.
Already up, sir.
Suddenly. an EXPLOSION ROCKS the ship.
That was the planet Degova, Captain.
Another EXPLOSION.
(continuing)
That was fired by the Romulan space craft.
We are being hailed, Captain.
Let's hear it, Lieutenant.
And so, James Kirk, once again it is you against me. It is your turn to die.
Cut him off. I'm not giving him the pleasure of an answer.
Approaching two objects ahead, Captain.
What are they?
One of them is the U.S.S. Poseidon. Here to assist us, I assume. Unable to get a fix on the other, but it is very large, and very strange.
Contact established with the Poseidon, Captain.
On screen, Lieutenant.
an underwater farce is going on, with dozens of crewmen struggling to bail out the flooded interior of the Poseidon. Captain ERNEST BORGNINE speaks as First Officer SHELLEY WINTERS floats by behind him.
Jim, this is Ernie. We got here as soon as we could, but I don't know how much help we'll be to you. We're having a little trouble of our own.
I know how to swim. Come on, let's get going or we'll never make it out alive.
Ernie, what's going on over there?
This always seems to happen to us, Jim.
Do you want us to begin evacuation procedures?
No, I think we're getting it under control.
One of his assistants walks up and hands him a bucket. He begins bailing water.
I see. Kirk out.
Visual contact established with the other object, Captain. Putting it on screen now, sir.
What the devil is that?
Is it...V'ger? A humpback whale?
Maybe it's God!
The Bridge doors OPEN and KARA enters.
It is Controller.
Excuse me?
Brain and brain! What is Brain?
Just get out of here, okay?
She leaves.
The Object on the View Screen SPEAKS.
Whath hith fantathy, Both?
It's our old friend the Horta. He looks excited.
Not the Horta itself, but what appears to be an energized manifestation of the creature's personality, appearance, and intellect.
Can you pay to have that done?
That's impossible, how can the essence of that creature's personality be plastered out here among the stars?
Impossible, Doctor... yet here it is.
I don't thee my name in lightth! Where ith my name in lightth?
I suggest we handle this encounter with great care. If the Horta is able to preserve itself this far out in space, it must have great power at its disposal.
Should we talk baby talk to it?
Spock shrugs.
Horta. Kahn is pursuing us. Perhaps you have a bone to pick with him.
I do, I do.
Approaching the Horta's energy field, Captain.
Danger potential?
Unknown, sir. However, we are much too close at this point to sidestep a collision.
This is the captain. All hands, brace yourselves for -- For...impact with the Horta.
They fly through the Horta, and the ship SHAKES uncontrollably.
Turbulence, Captain.
Excellent observation, Mr. Spock.
Captain. The Romulans are following us through, sir.
Let's lose them. Give me every ounce of warp speed she's got.
Aye, sir.
The Romulans are firing, Captain.
Aren't you supposed to be communicating with people?
Nobody's calling us, sir.
I prefer to get my news through the proper channels. We pay certain members of this crew to give me specific information. That's what this ship is all about. That's why we're aboard her.
Romulans are firing, sir.
Good work, Mr. Sulu.
(under her breath)
Pig.
The Horta seems to have swallowed up the energy of their phaser weapons. The blasts never reached us.
Something up ahead, Captain!
What the --?
Ahead of the ship, hanging in outer space, we see
TWO HOODED FIGURES
hanging out with stick-like weaponry.
You must be absorbed.
What do you make of them, Spock?
The figures are composed entirely of kitchen sponges, sir.
Evasive action, Mr. Sulu.
Aye-aye, sir.
Captain, I'm receiving a distress call from the Romulan ship.
Let's hear it, Lieutenant.
Kirk... We are under attack. We must have your help... You must help us...
Don't respond, Lieutenant. Sulu, take us back to the Horta.
Something else up ahead, Captain.
The ship is approaching
A GIANT HAND.
Oh no.
The face of APOLLO becomes visible behind the Hand.
My children...
Fire phasers!
Sulu FIRES the phasers and Apollo EXPLODES.
The Horta is up ahead.
As we watch, the Horta engages in a battle with the Romulan ship. The ship FIRES laser shots at the creature...
...which BATS them away and BATS the ship around.
Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a humming little APPARITION APPEARS in outer space...
...and floats into the midst of the little battle. The apparition looks like a translucent spinning top.
We have an intruder, Captain.
As the Enterprise watches, the Romulan vessel and the Horta are suddenly ARMED WITH SWORDS, and the duel begins.
Lotsa cool action.
Call the Romulans and find out whether we can be of assistance.
Attention Romulan vessel; attention Romulan vessel. Can we assist in evacuation?
Kahn, on the Romulan Bridge, is visible on the View Screen.
Kirk. I knew you would come back to help even your fiercest enemy.
Stand by -- we'll beam your crew aboard.
You actually believe we are under attack.
Kahn: Do you wish the Enterprise to evacuate your ship?
We are now ready to take on the Enterprise in a final battle for the title of Supreme Hero of the Galaxy.
'Supreme Hero of the Galaxy'? Captain, is he insane?
Completely. Kahn, it looks like you've got a battle on your hands already.
No, Kirk, I'm afraid you overestimate the power and loyalty of my overgrown friend. Behold.
On the View Screen, we see a some FEMALE HORTAS in bikinis and grass skirts stroll up to the gigantic Horta...
...who promptly drops his swords and saunters away with them.
Thith ith thome fantathy, Both!
On the View Screen, the face of Kahn REAPPEARS. The Apparition is FLOATING in the background behind him.
Now, Captain Kirk, it is your turn.
Geologist Jackson enters the Bridge.
Kahn, you're a bloated, noxious cauldron of depravity.
That's telling him, sir.
Are you saying that you are unwilling to fight me?
We don't have to fight. It's that thing, that apparition that's invaded your ship that's making us fight. You are possessed by an alien life force that's pitting us against each other.
I am possessed by an alien life force, you say?
Can't you see it? It's floating behind you on your Bridge.
Kahn looks behind him. He laughs.
This is my pet. And it is the thing that will destroy you and your ship.
We only want the girl.
Who? What girl?
We have the right to live out our lives.
Alien, whom do you want?
Not... Not me?
I believe the alien's referring to Geologist Jackson.
That thing can kiss my ass.
Jackson. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.
Or the one.
You can all kiss my ass. If you're too much of a wimp to take on that overgrown game-show host, don't expect me to save you.
Kahn, you swaggering, overbearing tin-plated dictator with delusions of godhood. Get off my ship.
Captain, I respectfully point out that Kahn is indeed not on the Enterprise.
I know that, Spock. That's just one of my favorite lines.
I think you all will relish the deaths I have prepared for you. I would invite the best among you to join me in my march to total and utter glory, but I fear you have all been poisoned with your captain's misguided ideology. Therefore, your dying begins now.
The apparition pops through the View Screen on the Bridge and enters the room. The Enterprise crew just stares at it as it hovers around.
So?
My little friend thrives on violence, on violent intentions, on fear. It is about to begin its feast.
Suddenly, everyone on the Bridge is ARMED with something strange...
...Spock with his Vulcan harp...
...Sulu with a sword...
...Chekov with a bottle of vodka...
...Uhura with a microphone...
...Kirk with a tribble...
...Scott with a dagger...
...and Geologist Jackson with a banana.
All others on the Bridge are ARMED with swords.
Is this supposed to scare us?
Kirk's tribble begins PURRING.
Well, this bottle's contents should be examined.
Chekov opens his bottle of vodka and has a few swigs. Uhura begins singing into her microphone.
Where my heart is...
Spock begins strumming his harp along with her as she continues to sing throughout the following. Sulu gets up and starts fooling around with his sword.
Scotty, what's going on?
But Scott can only stare at the dagger in his hand, which contains lots of bloodstains.
(continuing)
Sulu, Chekov, what's the matter with you? Prepare to attack the intruder.
Ha-hah!
Sulu menaces Kirk with his sword. Chekov is now quite inebriated.
Capteen, try some of this wodka. It's almost as good as what they make in Leningrad.
...where my heart is...
Jackson. Report.
Geologist Jackson speaks with her mouth full of banana.
It tastes pretty good, Captain.
Will somebody please tell me what's going on --
Suddenly, a hole in the ceiling OPENS UP and a bunch of tribbles FALL THROUGH onto Kirk's head.
Jim! Come in, Jim! This is Ernie. We've got our situation over here under control, so we can offer you some help. Come in, Enterprise.
Kirk is immobilized by all the tribbles. Spock and Uhura continue making music, Scott continues freaking out, Chekov drinking, Sulu swording around and Geologist Jackson eating bananas.
Somebody acknowledge that ship for me.
We aren't receiving you, Enterprise. We're coming in to assist.
Don't do it, Ernie.
ON THE VIEW SCREEN,
we see the U.S.S. Poseidon coming in to do battle. It menaces the Romulan ship in a completely ineffective manner for a few seconds...
...then the other attacks it with PHASER BLASTS.
The Poseidon is getting torn up!
Suddenly, A HUGE TIDAL WAVE comes out of no where and PLUNGES both ships UNDERWATER.
Kirk, watching all this, busts out of his tribble-lock and reaches the intercom on his Command Chair.
(continuing)
Poseidon! Come in, Poseidon! Ernie, are you out of your mind?
Jim. Jim? Is that you?
On the View Screen, we can see that the Poseidon is floating upside down out there, while the Romulan ship looks about done for.
Ernie, are you all right?
I think so, Jim.
ON THE VIEW SCREEN
Ernest and the Bridge of the Poseidon become VISIBLE.
(continuing)
We've been in this position before, and we're equipped to handle it.
Behind Ernest, Shelley floats by, dead. A few Poseidon crewmen tow her.
In passing, one of them whispers into Ernest's ear.
(continuing)
I just lost my first officer, the best one I ever had.
I'm sorry to hear that. She was a good man.
On the View Screen, CHARLETON HESTON appears. His clothes are badly burned, and he is ON FIRE in several places.
Ensign Heston reporting. For duty. Sir.
Clean yourself up, son. Then let's go to work.
Yes. Sir.
Suddenly, the Bridge of the Poseidon begins SHAKING badly.
Ernie! What's happening? I am so sick of asking that.
Earthquake, Jim.
The Poseidon continues to SHAKE.
Ever get the impression we've contacted the wrong movie?
ON THE VIEW SCREEN,
Charleton is taking over.
All right, into the escape pods. Women and children first.
Charleton pauses to kiss ANNE BAXTER passionately.
Moses! Moses!
Kirk shakes his head and focuses his attention on the APPARITION hanging around inside the Bridge.
Now, you mutinous, disgusting, flickering half-breed -- we'll see about you invading my ship.
The Apparition GLOWS BRIGHTER with evil delight.
(continuing)
You're a freak! You must have come from a planet of freaks! You belong in a circus, not a star ship. Right next to the dog-faced boy.
Ooh. Harsh.
I'm not getting very far.
(thinks)
Do you dare defy one you should be on your knees worshipping? I could destroy you with a single thought! No. How about...
Suddenly, Spock snaps out of his daze.
Captain! I may have a weapon here, sir.
Spock PLAYS the recording of CHILDREN'S VOICES.
Hail, hail, fire and snow. Call the angel we will go. Far away, for to seek, Friendly Angel, come to me. Hail, hail...
The APPARITION starts to MELT.
As it DISINTEGRATES, the visions and phantom props plaguing the Bridge crew members DISAPPEAR.
No! No! Ahhhh!
It's good we made seventy-nine episodes of the original show, so we've got lots of material to draw upon, don't you think?
Indeed.
Uhura, contact the Romulan ship. Let's save a few lives.
Yes, sir.
So we're going to reel in the shark anyway, even after it's eaten all the other fishermen?
Bones, I'm surprised at you. You are a man of medicine.
And from what I've seen here, Kahn and those Romulans are ruthless, bloodthirsty killers.
Captain. Kahn, sir.
Kahn APPEARS on the View Screen, tattered, injured, the Romulan Bridge behind him waterlogged and in ruins.
And so we meet for the last time, my friend. You are a worthy adversary, Kirk. I simply cannot bear giving you the pleasure of being the ultimate cause of my death. And the thought of being 'rescued' by you and your ship... repulses me. Therefore, goodbye.
Kahn, don't be silly. Even if you don't want to be rescued, what about the rest of your crew? Don't they deserve a chance to speak on their own behalves?
Teel APPEARS in the View Screen.
As Mr. Spock so eloquently put it: to a Romulan... death is preferable to defeat in battle. Goodbye, Kirk.
Tool APPEARS in the View Screen.
Now just a darn minute, fellahs. I for one wouldn't mind a shot at making a new life for myself in the Federation. I mean, I hear there's good pay, great benefits, full dental and medical...
Shaddup.
Okay, I can take a hint. I mean, I'm not like some people when they're told to shut up, the type that just keep on talking. I'm completely different than that; when I'm told to shut up, I shut up.
Shaddup shutting up.
Prepare, my friends.
Captain! The Romulan ship's main reactors have been set to overload.
Kahn, don't be a fool!
I have lived a good life. A few Chrysler commercials, the Leslie Nielson comedy, my own series on ABC, mass destruction and the murder of untold millions. It is over, Kirk.
The overload is now irreversible, Captain.
Are we at a safe distance?
Yes, however we are out of transporter range. Detonation in 4.781 seconds.
Very well. Good bye, Kahn and those who follow you.
Is it too late to bargain? I own some great land in the Southern Hemisphere of Triaccus, with breathtaking views of the --
Detonation... now!
Nothing happens. Tool continues to jabber.
--Regulan Slime Swamps, and a Seven-Eleven right down the block. You can't go wrong! My broker tells me the property values are set to explode (kidding, of course) when the mining colony gets into full swing. And shopping! Let me tell you about shopping!
Kirk smiles at Spock slyly. Spock checks his watch, frowns, and starts winding it. Suddenly the ship is ROCKED by the EXPLOSION, which cuts off Tool's rambling.
There we go. Mr. Spock, I'll expect you to trust your instincts next time.
McCoy enters the Bridge.
Well, Jim, I get the impression that it's all over.
For now, at any rate. Uhura, close up shop with the Poseidon. Tell them we're heading back to Star Base for repairs...and some much-needed shore leave.
And yet, I can't help but be disappointed.
I don't get what you mean, Bones.
We're headed back to Star Fleet with stories of a bunch of angry Romulans, a superhuman space hippie and an outlandish rip in the fabric of the galaxy, and I know I ought to be brimming with excitement.
I know I am. Spock?
I will admit to a certain curious fascination for both the scope and the variety of events we have just experienced.
It's a little unfair. I mean about the Horta.
He looked mighty happy when he left.
You and Spock got a chance to collaborate with the creature, and so did Kahn.
You feel you missed out?
I was hoping the Horta could teach me that.
McCoy begins swishing and shivering. Everybody breaks up.
Steady as she goes, Mister.
Steady as she goes, sir.
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