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Star Trek: The Most Important Voyage
EXT. ENTERPRISE - ESTABLISHING
The Enterprise faces the disabled Lego ship.
INT. BRIDGE - DAY
Spock is at the library computer and Sulu and Chekov are at the helm. Uhura is seated behind Kirk at the Communications Console. Spock is assisted by Jackson. Kirk enters and relieves Scott.
Sulu, how long to Degova?
Two hours and twenty minutes, sir.
Uhura, notify the Gamma Epsilon colony that we will be a few days late with their medical shipment.
Yes, Captain.
Magnetic disturbance increasing as we get closer, sar. Ah've never seen anything like it bafore.
Computer.
Working.
Explain nature of magnetic disturbance on Degova IV.
Similar to standard planet-type emissions but stronger, located on southern hemisphere within a three-hundred-mile radius area.
Three hundred miles? Can you pinpoint the source?
Negative. Insufficient data.
What sort of device could generate these emissions?
Insufficient data.
Magnetic fields are sometimes created by old-fashioned turbine electrical generators, Captain. Unlikely, but possible.
Computer, speculate. Could a turbine electrical generator be creating the disturbance?
Insufficient data.
Can you tell us the history of this planet? Is it colonized? Industrial scale?
Degova IV. Standard Class M planet; no colonies. No evolution of intelligent life. No recent explorations. No nothing.
At this great a distance from the Romulan Neutral Zone, could we consider the possibility of invasion?
Illogical assumption. Insufficient data for acceptable analysis. Unreasonable to speculate. You are barking up the wrong tree.
Dammit will somebody give me a straight answer??
Computer. This is Commander Spock. I have new instructions for you: Logic is little tweeting birds that --
Not now, Spock.
Uhura screams, then falls forward in her chair, unconscious.
(continuing)
Lieutenant!
(to Spock)
Spock, can you do anything for her?
Logic is little tweeting birds that --
Not now, Spock!
Spock storms out of the bridge.
(continuing)
Sickbay, send Doctor McCoy up to the Bridge as quickly as possible.
Kirk runs to Uhura's side. She's coming around. He supports her body.
(continuing)
Lieutenant -- what happened?
Shock, sir. The entire instrument panel was charged electrically when I touched the Systems Modulator, possibly because of the magnetic disturbance.
(drops her)
Oh, okay.
(into intercom)
Engineering. Get me Mr. Scott.
I'll take you home again, Kathleen! Over the --
Riley, get me Mr. Scott!
Well sure, if you want.
INT. ENGINEERING ROOM - DAY
Scott, quite intoxicated, pushes an also drunk Riley out of the way of the intercom. As Riley falls, Scott notices a bottle of scotch in the other's hand.
Ah'll take that, laddie.
Scott grabs the bottle, takes a swig.
Riley! Where's Mr. Scott?
Scott puts the bottle back into Riley's clutches and lets the young man drop to the floor.
Scott here, sar.
Scotty, get up here on the double. Kirk out.
Scott looks at the intercom, looks down at Riley, picks up the bottle, takes a swig, smiles and puts it back down. Then he, too passes out.
Kirk is attending to Uhura. Otherwise all is as before.
How do you feel, Lieutenant?
Much better, Captain. But --
The Bridge elevator doors open and in FLOATS NOMAD, the robot.
I am Nomad. I am perfect.
Nomad spots Uhura and FLOATS toward her, EXTENDING its antenna.
(continuing)
What is music? Think about music.
Nomad, stop! Nomad, this way!
Nomad turns toward Jackson. Kirk bolts across the Bridge to the little machine as it says:
Error? Error? Sterilize. Sterilize. Biological infestations --
I'll error you.
Kirk grabs Nomad and hugs it, trying to wrestle it toward the elevator doors, which OPEN as the two near them. The PITCH of Nomad's voice STEADILY INCREASES.
Error. Error. Sterilize --
Nomad, with STEAM and SMOKE coming from its neck and Kirk on its back begins to FLY about the Bridge wildly, CARRYING the man.
(continuing)
Error, error.
I'm not programmed to respond in that area.
Kirk finally wrestles the machine to the elevator and throws it in. Then he turns around and begins dusting himself off.
Nomad SWINGS BACK into the room on the wire to which it is attached. It hits Kirk squarely in the back and sends the man tumbling.
Nomad continues to SWING back and forth.
EXT. ENTERPRISE - DAY
The Enterprise faces the Romulan Lego ship.
Captain's log... Supplemental. With the warp drive operational, the Enterprise is pursuing the vanished crew of the Romulan ship we disabled. So far we have one casualty of this little war: Crewman Jackson, one of our most popular members. Mr. Scott has located a source of powerful radio emissions on the planet Degova IV ahead, which we are investigating. Because of this, our delivery of supplies to the Gamma Epsilon Colony is delayed several days.
INT. BRIDGE - DAY
Scott is under the Engineering Console, Spock is under the Communications Panel, McCoy is tending Uhura, and Sulu, Jackson and Chekov are at the Helm. Kirk is in his Command Chair.
How's the Lieutenant doing, Bones?
Oh, she'll be all right. Just a minor systemic shock.
Spock, what could cause that?
A power surge. Somehow the damper circuits were overloaded and the whole Communications Board was electrified momentarily, perhaps because of the magnetic disturbance. Repair will be difficult.
How long?
I'd say on the scale of about, oh, maybe, well, I'd venture... 4.2367 hours, approximately, sir.
Can you be more definite, Mr. Spock?
Precise calculation is most awkward under present circumstances --
I believe that is sufficient, Spock. Commence repair.
Spock commences repair. Chekov and Jackson switch places, with Chekov at the Library Computer and Jackson at the Helm.
(continuing)
How are the engines holding up, Mr. Scott?
Tha shielding seems ta be holding, though Ah canna say for how long. We've got ta get to a starbase for proper repairs.
We'll need to make do, Scotty. Any side effects from the titanium alloy?
Well, tha ionization tends ta create a lot of dust, but otherwise, no.
Very well, Mr. Scott.
Sir.
Yes, Mr. Sulu.
Request permission to leave the Bridge for a time, Captain.
What for?
I have to go to the bathroom, sir.
Bad?
Sulu nods.
(continuing)
I thought I told you to go before we left Earth.
Beg pardon, sir.
We're in a tense situation, soldier. We need every man we have. We can spare no one.
I appreciate that sir, but...
On the double!
Sulu dashes madly out.
Approaching planet Degova IV, sir.
Assume standard orbit, Mr. Jackson.
(to Chekov)
Chekov, scan the area. See if you can find any evidence of a settlement in the lower hemisphere.
(to Spock)
Spock, how's my panel?
It is now in working order, Captain.
Capteen, I have peenpointed a settlement of some sort in the area surrounding the disturbance. I can register no life form readings.
Feed the coordinates to the transporter. Scotty, Spock, I'll need you. Uhura, send two security guards and Geologist Jackson to meet us at the transporter. And have Sulu get back up here!
Sulu to the Bridge, at once!
(addressing all)
We're taking a big risk. You know that. Spock, I need you to deal with the possibility that these aliens, possibly Romulans, may prove hostile. Mr. Scott, you're going to help me find out what that mechanism is down there and destroy it if it's dangerous. Bring along some of that titanium alloy material. It may be of use.
Enter ZULU.
What do you want?
Uhura, listen: "Sulu to the " -- not "Zulu"!
(to Zulu)
Will you get out of here?
Okay, okay.
Exit Zulu.
Another disturbance, Capteen. Opening up just ahead, sir.
The star field directly in front of the Enterprise SHIMMERS and RIPPLES.
Most puzzling.
What would you say that is, Spock?
Impossible to specify. At risk of undersupported conjecture, this seems to be a "rip", if you will, in the very fabric of space.
FOUR FINGERS pry open what looks like a gigantic RIP in a huge black sheet on which has been superimposed a star field. A TECHNICIAN'S HEAD pokes through momentarily, then ducks away.
Fascinating!
(looks at Spock)
Sorry, Spock. Your line.
Fascinating!
Could this "rip" present any... No. I can't keep saying that. Script Girl!
Script Girl enters.
What have we got, kids?
Listen, I think I was onto something with that "scientific curiosity" angle. Let's go with it. I can't always be asking "Would this endanger the ship?"
It's out of my hands, babe.
(to Lance)
Lance?
Lance enters.
Yes, luv.
Oh, Lance, what a day!
Jimmy-boy, do you hate me? Why are you doing this to me? Next episode, babe. Next episode we'll write in this 'scientific angle' crap. You signed a contract, you made a commitment. Please just say the line and we'll worry about those other things when I'm not paying out ten thousand dollars a minute for all these people.
Ten thousand dollars a minute?
Give or take a few. Let's roll!
Lance and the Script Girl exit.
Any danger, Spock?
Unlikely, Captain. However, an interface such as this would require tremendous power to maintain. We dare not underestimate our adversary.
Who is probably down on that planet.
Affirmative.
Let's go. Jackson, you have the con.
Kirk, Spock, and Scott leave.
The Enterprise faces the Romulan lego ship. Hanging off to one side is the RIP in the galaxy. Below ROTATES the planet Degova IV.
EXT. PLANET SURFACE - DAY
KAHN stands at the bottom of a landing platform with the HORTA, a squat, rock-like creature with a lisp, beside him. Off to one side, several scantily-clad NATIVES stand ready to serve the local beverage "Tranya" while OTHERS play ukuleles. Kahn wears a white suit and long, wild hair. He clutches a mysterious teddy bear.
Kirk, Scott, Spock, Security Guards 1 and 2, and Geologist Jackson (our regular Jackson dressed like a woman, complete with a wig) MATERIALIZE.
Smiles, everyone, smiles!
Whath hith fantathy, Bahth?
Well my friend, his fantasy is to be captain of the starship Enterprise... One shared by unemployed actors throughout the galaxy.
Can you do eet, Bahth?
I already have, my friend!
Kahn, you old devil, I thought I left you on Ceti Alpha V.
This is Ceti Alpha V! The set has been redressed, and my wife died soon after. I hold you and your crew responsible!
An insolent group of ROMULANS saunter up; Teel and SQUEAL lead them.
Whath their fantathy, Bahth?
Well, my friend --
Kahn, my men grow tired. Enough small talk.
(indicates Horta)
Small talk! I'm dyin'!
All in good time, my friend.
But time grows short!
(laughs hysterically)
Yeah, yeah, "short!" Oh that's low.
(loves it)
Low!!
Kahn, you've got some explaining to do. How did these men arrive on this planet? Their ship was well out of range of any known transport device. I demand an answer.
You, sir, are in a position to demand nothing.
How soon do we begin the invasion?
Soon, my friend, soon. But first, we must drink! This is Tranya. I hope you relish it as much as I.
The Natives serve Tranya during the following.
(continuing)
Introductions are in order. This is Sub-Commander Teel of the Romulan Fleet, and Squeal, his lieutenant. And this... This is Captain James T. Kirk of the starship Enterprise. A man who left me to die on this planet years ago. This is Mr. Spock, his First Officer. And...
Commander Montgomery Scott, our Chief Engineer; Geologist Jackson...
(to Geologist Jackson; amorously)
My dear.
Geologist Jackson gives him a dirty look.
And Crewman Jackson and Crewman Jackson, our security team.
The other two Jacksons nod politely as Kirk does a double-take.
Fools, all of them. Especially the Vulcan.
(to Spock)
You could have joined our race long ago, and claimed a small part of the glory of victory.
To invade this sector would be folly, and totally illogical. You cannot succeed.
You're talking about all-out war, Mister. The Federation will --
My fleet will demolish your brittle Federation ships. Already our warcraft are streaming through the interface to challenge yours.
Demolish the Federation? As you attempted to demolish the Enterprise? I hardly think --
Any attempt at invasion will be an act of cowardice!
Cowardice?
Quite right. To a Romulan, death is preferable to defeat in battle, yet you and your crew fled your ship after the Enterprise disabled it. The only clear assumption is that you were afraid.
I have never been afraid!
And that does not frighten you?
I don't understand you, Vulcan. It's a contradiction of terms.
Not at all. It is a null class in the class of all classes not members of the given class.
Commander, I'm afraid you just pushed Mr. Spock's logic button, which tends to make him incomprehensible for the next ten minutes or so.
(secretly to Scott)
Contact the Enterprise, Scotty. Verify Teel's claim about his ships.
Gentlemen, please. First, the Tranya.
ALL drink. Spock addresses Kirk secretly.
Captain, I have analyzed this man. He is Kahn Noonian Singh. And this is Ceti Alpha V. To maintain all of this must require tremendous energy. Kahn seems to have built himself a mechanism of awesome capability by utilizing this planet's resources. And, knowing his history as an Earth ruler, I have no doubt he was able to accomplish it with a minimum of assistance.
Very good, Spock. We've all felt his power. But how does he control that rip in space from down here?
It is most curious, Captain. Notice how he never strays far from that teddy bear.
Yes, Spock. Most curious. A power source?
Perhaps only a terminal. But if it were dismantled...
Bye, bye Romulan invasion.
(to all; loudly)
Don't be alarmed by what you see, gentlemen. Kahn's are obviously the actions of an immature, unbalanced mind.
I overheard that last, heh, heh, 'statement', Kirk. Let me remind you that I am in command here.
(to Geologist Jackson)
You're not to wear that dress; I don't like it!
But I was just --
Is this a challenge, Kirk? Is that what you're doing, challenging me?
Sounds like it to me, geek.
Indeed. If you're man enough to face it.
Oh, this is better than I expected!
How about a duel? An old-fashioned, earth-style duel. You use your teddy bear as a shield, and I'll use Miss Jackson here.
Let me remind you that I have twice your strength, twice your endurance.
Not twice mine!
The brawl begins. The Horta swishes around, trying to get out of the way.
Jackson and her men dive in. More Romulans join in. Squeal leans against a wall and laughs at everything.
Spock walks through the fight unharmed, with Tranya in his hand. He picks up Kahn's Teddy Bear and examines it.
Squeal points to the little Horta and laughs hysterically.
Kirk jumps out of the fight and strolls over to Spock to examine Teddy.
The Horta REARS UP and turns Squeal into a SMOKING SHADOW on the ground, his Tranya glass sitting intact on top of what had been his hand.
Jackson's wig falls off while she's fighting. She scrambles to pick it up and put it back on.
Spock notices Kirk's shirt is not torn. He shakes his head sadly. They both start tearing up Kirk's shirt.
Scott steps out of the fight to join them; they tear his shirt, too.
Kirk and Scott look at Spock, but decide against tearing his shirt.
Ah've called tha ship, sar. One Romulan ship is through tha interface so far. No contact established.
We'd better put a stop to this little game.
(to Spock)
Okay, Spock, now!
(to Teddy Bear)
Logic is little tweeting birds that --
What are you doing?
Then you do it!
Kirk takes the bear, turns it upside down...
...shakes it...
...throws it down on the ground and stamps madly on it...
It EXPLODES.
Kirk and Spock draw their phasers; Jackson and her men follow suit.
You've destroyed my machinery!
Thanks to Mr. Spock, the game is up.
Not quite, you miserable Earth parasite. By now I should have three ships through Kahn's space interface to your disabled one, and more will follow. At my command, they will attack the Enterprise.
Spock, Scotty. Cover them.
(to Geologist Jackson)
Jackson, you and your men get their weapons.
I'm only a Geologist, Captain.
It's time to make your bones, Missy. Round 'em up.
Jackson and her men round 'em up and start taking their weapons.
One of the Romulans tries to give her some guff, so she rears back to belt him and has to be held back by her men.
Kirk flips open his communicator.
(continuing; into communicator)
Kirk to Enterprise.
Enterprise. Jackson here, sir.
Jackson. What's the situation up there?
Jackson sits in the Command Chair. Uhura, Sulu, and Chekov are at their stations.
We're surrounded by three Romulan ships -- they claim they're Romulans, but the ships' designs are unfamiliar.
ON THE VIEW SCREEN
can be seen three ships made out of Tinkertoys.
EXT. PLANET - DAY
What sort of design?
Tinkertoy, I believe, sir.
Tinkertoy?
(to Spock)
Spock?
Recent reports indicate the Romulan fleet is equipped with ships of Tinkertoy configuration.
Have you made contact yet?
Negative, sir. They only respond to our calls to identify themselves, nothing more.
As they are trained to do.
Keep trying to raise them, and notify Star Fleet Command of the situation.
(to Geologist Jackson)
Jackson, have your men start beaming our hostages aboard.
(into communicator)
Have a security team meet Jackson in the transporter, Jackson. Kirk out.
(to others)
Gentlemen, we have work to do. We've got to knock out that space interface before any more Romulan ships can get through.
Kirk, Spock and Scott look at each other and nod once, "huh-umph!" like in old Japanese monster movies, and they take off.
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